Poem 2

FOREVER

I want to run, I want to hide
From all the pain she caused me inside
I want to scream, I want to cry
Why can’t I just tell her Goodbye..?

I want to move on, but I just can’t let go
I love her, she is part of my soul
I want to start over, I want to feel free
But this pain will never leave me be

She hurt me bad, the pain is deep
From all the promises she couldn’t keep
All the lies that she made
Are in my head, and just won’t fade

How can I forget her and leave her behind
Erase all the memories from my mind
Why couldn’t I make her understand
That FOREVER was always the plan

Poems and writing $10 each lol

Untitled

How could it be that we let our love fall
There were times in our life that we had it all

As the weather got colder, your attention did shift
But I could never be ready for this
Yes my attitude changed, then you cut me so deep
Is it possible to push a women to cheat?

So I pray not for gold nor worldly riches
I pray for strength, wisdom, and forgiveness
Did I not tell you enough how beautiful you are..?
Do I deserve the pain of this never healing scar..?

Would it be different that night, if I said Baby please don’t go..?
I love you so much Kallai, you are so deep inside my soul
But I didn’t, I just hollered and called you names
Not knowing that our love would never be the same

Something you did would hurt and make me cry
I still feel like half of my spiritual body had died
As much as we’re sorry, I know I’m just as much to blame
I wish we could forgive and forget, why can’t we be the same

Is our marriage worth saving..? How much more can I take of this..?
I pray to they lord and ask for strength, wisdom, and forgiveness

Poems , thoughts

So I reread some of my other blogs, it’s seriously crazy how much you can love someone that truely doesn’t lovd you back and you continue to love them and can’t stop. Ok so I said truely doesn’t love me because from time to time yes she loves me but you can’t just can’t lie that much to someone you truely love. We are divorced now and yes I’m sad about it everyday but I am happy about it. I can honestly say I deserve someone that wants me and shares me openly and shares me with there own soul. I seem her old blogs and journals on paper and stuff like that and I wasn’t a part of it and if I was it was always thank god I’m done with him or he isn’t no good and I’m happy we are over blah blah on and on and ONCE was there anything about how amazing I was or how much she loved me or happy we are back together or even how heart broken she was, I remember once she posted o Facebook she has so heart broken and that was one time we broke up, it hurts that I don’t understand why… She married me so she had to deeply live me right ?? Why DID she marry me … Ok I don’t want to think about that, this is just my little space to continue my feelings and my love and the only place I will, she will not get anymore of my real time and feelings, she hasn’t ever made me feel like I’m part of her real world, I’m just here to fill her need for attention, Anyways I got some writing I did, I’m not very good and most of them where for my college class, I just wanted to be her man for life and mean to her what she means to me still!!!! I dream about her so much now It’s special to me, and honestly I couldn’t take anymore then just don’t she makes me fall so easily and fast, but to kiss her again….. in my dreams I will tonight

This is killing me

I dontknow why but I don’t understand and I need to know why, how can ou tell your husband you love him and miss him but use your maiden name on everything you can and make everything think you aren’t married on purpose…… Or everytime we have started talking again ae doesn’t have a problem telling me she misses me or loves me but can’t tell anyone that she is even talking to me I have had to make her tell the people closest to her, really ??? Do you know how that makes someone feel ??? She makes me feel amazing and I love her so fucken much and would do anything for her but how can she honestly make me feel like a piece of shit and not important. Someone isn’t important to you if you hide them from everyone you know because you are only doing that so ou can still act like you don’t have feelings and they won’t call you out when you fuck guys or flirt with guys or do anything. She has always made herself look single when we been together untill I would finally flip out on it, why does she always want everyone to think she isn’t involed with someone. I’m not talking about right now but it still hurts that only she knows. Everyone knows I’m talking to her, and it would be easier if they didn’t I wouldn’t have to hear it but I don’t go around lying to people and I don’t care what other people think. Whatever I’m going to do that too, from now on I’m done talking to her, not really but as far as anyone I know I don’t talk to her and I’ll make sure they all know.

July 4th… The start of something new

Im going to start off by saying I’m going to try and put my thoughts down every couple days or at least once a week so I can watch how I grow and change and how I feel. Tomorrow is going to be hard for me I already know but my mind , heart, and soul are ready. 5 years ago to this day was the first time I made love to my soul mate. I cherish it. I truely do. It was just sex then but god knew in our hearts we made love. So I got a new mind set and I’m loving it. I see the good not the bad, I feel the love not the pain. I’m going to run and lift and workout and tan, NO EXCAUSES!!!!!! I’m turning my life around and being the man I want to be and the man that someone will fall in love with. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be over my wife or if I even ever want to be honestly. Even after all the evil and mad things we have done to each other I haven’t gave up on the bond and love we have for each other and gods plans and the vows made to her. I vowed to love and cherish and to honor her for the rest of my life and I intend to do that, I don’t have to have her love or be with her to do that, I can’t change what she feels or what she needs to do but I CAN still keep my vows. That was hard for me to understand because it really hurt me that I was breaking a promise I made to her and GOD. I’m a man of my word and this is the most important thing I have ever done. The divorce isn’t final, I’m scared to death that it isn’t far away but I have accepted it but that doesn’t mean I like it. I decieced that I’m not going to even try to date or move on till it is finalized. That’s my way of proving my deep love for her and are marraige and my way of giving me time to heal, become a better man, change my mind and the way I think, totally forgive her for everything and forgive myself for mistreating her, pushing her away, and dishonoring our marriage. I feel good today….. I am having a very hard time not telling her how much I still love her and how much I truely miss her, miss holding her, and kissing those sweet lips. I miss hearing her say I love you, I miss seeing the love in her eyes and seeing her smile because of me. I know it’s my fault that I don’t get those things anymore and I know I need to forgive myself but tht will be very hard to do. Small steps Jeremiah, one foot in front of te other, I want to do great things and this is my start, just like 5 years ago I love you Kallai and I love you JEsus

Vow

I haven’t write in here in a long time but I just watched the vow. It was a really good movie but it made me so sad and I can honestly say I cried. I want that love again and I’m so scared I’ll feel that way ever again. I loved her more then anyone could possible understand even her. I wanted forever I wanted a life partner I wanted someone to always be there for me I honestly thought she was the one the only one. Why do I cry so much for her why do I let her get to me I don’t regret opening up to her and taking my wall down and giving my heart to her I just regret how I feel now. I know it hurts so bad but Jesus says that god won’t ever give you more then you can handle, but I’m really close. I just want the hurting to end. How long will it take. She was so beautiful to me this is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. God please just let her know I’ll always love her ever after all the Hirt and pain my heart Crys out for her, help me get through this and move on please find it in your heart to ease the pain a little and god please help her with her ms even without her in my life and she doesn’t love me anymore I would trade in. A second and give it to me she has so much more to offer this world then me and mke her heart good like I know it is don’t let her become that other girl. I want this to end please. Show me how to live without herpet me find love like I thought we had I NEED to know ill feel like that with someone else I don’t see the point in life if I never love that way again I know I’m not perfect And I have done so much wrong just guild me to be the person we both know I am and can be I love you god and I’m so so sorry I ever doubt you I’m ready to give my soul and faith and trust to you to guide me I don’t want to cry like this anymore I miss her so much her smile her kisses her notes holding her hand help me find love again help me believe love is real I’m so sorry
Your son and your soldier I’m ready to do your work

Life

My heart hurts so much, when you love someone so much and can’t have them , I can’t sit back and wait and watch her Mac on guys….. I had to half my marriage…. I would do anything other but I can’t do that I have feelings… God make her happy because I don’t think I can and if you got time let me be happy I can’t get her out of my heart….. I’m begging for something

Idk

I’m so sad all the time I don’t know what to do anymore …. I don’t want to cry anymore I want to be happy but my happiness is gone nothing is the same anymore

…..

…..

It’s my 3 rd cup of coffee my 5 th time I said I’m sorry, the sun slowly peeking through the glass says we been up all night, be both know where this is going, it’s been a long time coming, is it really over, is this really good bye, maybe I should say something, maybe you’ll change your mind, maybe maybe buy a little more time … But I got nothing

Can’t sleep

Why do I still let her get to me, I was starting to deal with it, I got meds, I got help, fighting this pain and hurt and she brings in another wave I don’t understand what she has left to say. I don’t get what she needs to talk about ae can’t save me from pain and hurt and she can’take it easier for me to understand the only girl I even let into my life and trusted with my heart and soul didn’t want to do the same with me how can anyone make that easier to deal with it only takes time and talking. I still would give up my world for her and honestly if I picked her now I would have to. And why would I pick her, she has never really truly loved me, when you love someone you don’t need attention from other people you just need then like I just needed her. She lets her sister and family control her life and what do they do ?? Make her give up her morals and honesty so she can lie while they do wrong but all I want to do is love her and I’m second to them. Leave me alone stop hurting my heart if I’m not your everything I can’t be in her life it’s just too hard. She is going to find out once they get in her pants the attention goes away and she is just left with herself and her whore was… And I hope she thinks of me and cries…. And I’ll be long gone I don’t need a wife like her and I sure aren’t letting her play with other guys till she is ready for me I’m done with her she can face her choice and her sister ad mom can be there for her because they are te important ones and I know she will never find a guy to love her and Ella like I did and that makes me feel good knowing that, she will get it all back on her one day and I hope she cries as much as I have lately and thinks of me the whole time I just want to sleep